


A Day at the Park

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Disaster, Family Fluff, Five Feeds Some Ducks, Gen, Klaus is an Instrument of Chaos, Luther Gets Stuck, Mild Swearing, POV Diego Hargreeves, Park day, Playgrounds, Shenanigans, The Hargreeves Are Idiots, Too Many Line Breaks, i say that lovingly, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27517780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Diego wants to take Grace to the park. His siblings want to come too. His siblings do not make good decisions at said park.Thanks to @Geodesic for requesting this! I rated it Teen and Up because there are like three total swear words, but just in case.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	A Day at the Park

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested by @Geodesic! It turned out more of a crackfic than I planned...

Diego walked into the kitchen, whistling. Grace was at the stove, making pancakes. “Someone’s in a good mood this morning,” she said as Diego kissed her cheek. “What’s got you smiling?”  
“I thought we might go to the park today,” he said. “Y’know, the one you’ve never been to.”  
Grace smiled, and passed him a plate stacked high with pancakes. “I haven’t been to any park, silly.”  
“And that’s why we’ll be going to one today.” Diego turned to grab a fork, and as he turned away, he felt someone snatch his pancakes out of his hand. “Hey!” he protested as Klaus cackled mischievously. He threw his fork at Klaus, making sure it missed him by only a centimeter. Only because Grace was watching, of course.   
“Now, now, boys, there are enough pancakes for everyone,” Grace said, passing Diego another plate. “And Diego, no fighting outside of the training rooms or we won’t go to the park today.”  
Klaus gasped happily. “We’re going to the park? When do we leave? Which park?”  
Diego sighed. “No-” he started, but then Allison stuck her head in.   
“Did someone say we’re going to the park?” she asked.   
“We’re going to the park!” Klaus confirmed loudly.   
“This is not a family gathering, guys. I want Mom’s first trip out to be nice.”  
“Who says it won’t be nice?” Allison accused. “And Mom, wouldn’t you like to have _all_ your children with you for your first trip out?”  
“Not all!” Diego interrupted. “Fine, you two can come. But just you two!” He glared at Klaus. “If you invite anyone else, Klaus, I will throw another fork at you. And I won’t miss.”  
“Deal!”

* * *

  
The Hargreeves siblings finished breakfast in record time, running out the door like they were on a mission. When they reached the street, they all turned expectantly to Grace, waiting for her reaction. “Isn’t this a lovely day?” she asked, her ever-present smile widening. “Look at all the dear little shops. Now, which way is the park you were telling me about?”   
“Google Maps says it’s only two blocks away,” Vanya said, her phone in her hand.  
Diego jumped about a foot into the air. “Shit, Vanya, when did you get here?” he yelped.  
No one answered. They were all following Vanya towards the park. Diego let out a stream of curses and jogged to catch up. 

* * *

  
Diego sighed in relief when he saw the park had a playground. Surely that would keep his siblings occupied. He led Grace over to a strategically positioned bench that overlooked both a pond and the playground. This way, Grace could enjoy the scenery and he could make sure his siblings didn’t do anything stupid.   
“Diego, look, those ducks look just like the ones in the painting!” Grace said happily. Diego tore his eyes from Vanya and Klaus, who were trying to swing upside down on the monkey bars, and forced himself to focus on the ducks.   
“Yeah, Mom. Just like the ones in your painting. But these ones are real, see? They swim around, and they quack, and you can feed them. Unless there’s a sign that says ‘don’t feed the ducks.’”  
“I guess there isn’t a sign here,” Grace said. “See, Five is feeding them over there.” She pointed to the opposite bank, where Five was holding an entire loaf of bread and throwing chunks at the ducks.   
Diego jumped to his feet. “Where the hell are all these people coming from?” he shouted.   
“They’re your siblings, Diego, not strangers,” Grace reminded him. “I hope Five got that bread from the pantry instead of stealing it,” she added.   
Diego ran his hand through his hair, sighing for what seemed like the twentieth time that day. “I’ll go make sure he didn’t do anything illegal,” he grumbled.   
By the time Diego reached his oldest little brother, Five was surrounded by a five foot radius of ducks. He saw Diego, and waved the hand not holding the loaf of bread. He shouted something, but Diego couldn’t hear him over all the quacking. “What?” he yelled.   
Five teleported closer. “I said the ducks like bread!” he shouted in Diego’s ear.   
“Yeah, no shit!” Diego shouted back. “When did you get here?”  
“I came with Luther! Allison texted us!”  
“Luther’s here?” Diego couldn’t believe this. This was supposed to be just him and Mom. Now he had to babysit his idiotic siblings. He turned to go, but was faced with a wall of quacking ducks. “Five, get your duck minions away from me!” he growled. “I’m going to find Allison.”  
Five led his duck army away, and Diego marched over to where Allison and Vanya were sitting on the monkey bars. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he called up, “Did you guys invite Luther and Five?”  
Allison shook her head. “I didn’t, but Klaus stole my phone a few minutes ago. He might have texted them.”   
“Dammit, Klaus,” Diego groaned. “I specifically told him not to invite anyone else!”  
“I saw him headed for the slides a few minutes ago,” Vanya offered. “I think he’s still over there if you want to go yell at him.”  
Diego glanced over to the main playground structure. He could see Klaus’s shoe sticking out of the tube slide. “Thanks,” he said to his sisters, before running towards his brother.

* * *

“Klaus.”  
No answer.   
“Klaus.”  
No answer. Diego pulled Klaus’s ankle. There was some shuffling, and an _oof_ that sounded suspiciously like Luther, before Klaus’s head poked out of the slide. “Oh hello brother dear,” Klaus said innocently. “What brings you here this fine day?”   
“Is that Diego? Can he help get me out?” the slide asked. Klaus shushed it.   
“Luther’s stuck in the slide, isn’t he.” Nothing could surprise Diego anymore.  
Klaus hesitated guiltily. “Yeah, I am, can you help?” Luther said from the slide. “If you pull while Klaus pushes-”  
“No,” Diego said. “You got yourselves into this, you can get yourselves out. Goodbye.” Diego left, ignoring Klaus’s protests and Luther’s cries for help. He walked back over to Grace’s bench, but he had only just sat down again when people started screaming. He looked back in alarm to see Ben’s glowing outline using the Horror to tear the slide apart. Luther and Klaus fell out in a heap. Children started crying. Allison and Vanya were running towards them. Five appeared with his army of ducks. Grace was smiling placidly, watching the ripples on the lake. Diego should have expected this.

* * *

The Hargreeves family was kicked out of the park by a group of angry middle-aged women whom Klaus had addressed as “Karen.” Diego didn’t know how Klaus knew angry middle-aged women, and he didn’t care. He fell behind his siblings so that he was walking with Grace. “Sorry the rest of the family ruined the park, Mom,” he started. “I tried to tell them-”  
“Ruined?” Grace asked him. “What was ruined?”   
Diego blinked. “Mom, we just got kicked out of a public park. Do you know how hard that is?”  
Grace continued as though she hadn’t heard him. “I had a wonderful time. We should do it again. Maybe we can come back tomorrow?”  
Diego stopped. No one in his family made sense. “Why would you want to do that again?” he exclaimed. “That was terrible! The park was a terrible idea, we should not come back tomorrow!”  
Klaus turned around. “We’re coming back tomorrow?”  
_“No!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Two updates in two days??? This was written over like four hours??? If there are any grammar/spelling errors please let me know, and thanks for reading!


End file.
